


letting go.

by BloomingViolets



Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Memories, Post WMTSB III, Post-Canon, slight au but mostly canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25929238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloomingViolets/pseuds/BloomingViolets
Summary: Time slows to a crawl when you're by your lonesome, trapped between the past and present, dream and reality.The silence is filled with their own musings.[if you love him, let him go.]
Relationships: Lucifer/Sandalphon (Granblue Fantasy)
Kudos: 18





	1. Sandalphon

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by @Lupatier's art here: 
> 
> https://twitter.com/lupatier/status/1294533088492556293?s=21 
> 
> I was absolutely in love with the piece and was inspired to write for it. I hope you enjoy!!

Sandalphon still has trouble differentiating between dream and reality sometimes, but this time, the smell of bitter coffee combined with the dull chirps of birds flapping their wings in their cages ground him. Their cages rattle and squeak, and it haunts him. It echoes in the empty space. 

Why were they still here?

He's back at his old meeting spot with Lucifer. Everything is surreal: sometimes, the textures he _can_ touch are distinct and vivid, and other times, there's nothing as if he was touching air. 

The breeze that once sung to him sweetly now puts him on edge, especially when it ruffles his feathers. It's a cruel reminder of how vacant the area was. The birds seem even more agitated, and it's as if they weep for him too, flapping their wings in agitation and shaking their cages again. 

Sandalphon spots two cups of hot, steaming coffee, both with utensils sitting next to their appropriate cups. Sandalphon tells himself he shouldn't do it. He shouldn't sit back in that chair. It'll hurt too much.

But he pulls back his respective chair, looking out through the glass as he seats himself. It may as well have been stained glass: the sky that bled through the glass was a translucent blue. But he can't see past the blue of the glass: it's empty and vague. It's blurry, and he's not sure if it's because he's somehow forgotten, or if his memories are just out of his reach, begging to be left alone. 

He hopes it's the latter. Hope only does so much though, he muses to himself. Hope didn't save his Lucifer, but it kept together parts of his broken heart like a needle and thread just long enough to fight for the future with Danchou and the rest of the crew.

His chest aches.

The cup of coffee turns cold, as suspected by the lack of steam. Sandalphon takes a sip of it anyway, and the bittersweet flavor is muted in his mouth. Why wasn't it as strong as it used to be?

He takes another sip.

It's even more muted than before.

Another.

It's almost like water now.

Sandalphon's throat clenches and his eyes turn watery. He cries out, suddenly throwing the porcelain cup against the ground. It shatters, emptying its contents all over the floor amongst the shards. The shattering frightens and agitates the birds, and they rattle their cages, crying out.

His past was bleeding out into some sort of nothingness, he thinks. He still doesn't know if he's losing his past or not. He's terrified of losing his memories; he can't lose part of what he was living for.

Sandalphon crumples onto the table, and he felt humiliation burn his face when all turns silent in the vacancy of the space, only broken by his occasional weeping. His vision blurs, and he's only scaring himself more. He can only calm himself by constantly wiping his eyes to clear his vision.

He knows his Lucifer wouldn't have wanted this, and yet... "I'm sorry Lucifer. I didn't mean to show weakness like that."

His voice is met with a single sing-song chirp. He looks up, and it's from a plump, little white bird. It chirps again. 

"I hope you can forgive me. I don't want to disappoint you. I...have worked very hard to create the vision you've wanted. I think we're getting closer, but there is plenty of work to be had," Sandalphon says, voice cracking. The tears slow down. 

"Thank you for believing in me," he half-whispers, standing up from his chair. It doesn't squeak like it should, but Sandalphon is too exhausted to question the semantics of it. His wings unfold themselves, and he leaps up, hovering next to the cages. One by one, he undoes the latch for each one and swings the little door open. Some birds graciously flap their wings and immediately fly out, happily chirping and circling the higher parts of the building close to the ceiling.

However, some simply stare back at him with their beady little eyes. The door is wide open, and yet, they can't seem to leave. Instead, they look at him and ignore him, plucking out their own feathers. Sandalphon hadn't noticed it before, but now that he looks closer, the cage floor was covered in those feathers.

"You too, huh."

It plucks another feather and shakes its entire body as an answer.

"I'm sorry you're stuck because of me," he says with a soft sigh. All of the little birds that suffered are brown, or some other variant color that reminds him of himself. "I'm trying to let go too."

It cocks its little head at him, and he gently reaches out to it with a finger. It doesn't back away, and he pets its fluffy little head. It chirps and flaps its wings a little.

"I miss Lucifer-sama's touch too. I understand." 

He leaves the little brown bird momentarily to unlock the rest of the cages. Some fly out in joy, pecking at the glass before giving up and opting to fly around as high as they could. Some simply stay in their cages like the little brown one, rocking themselves back and forth or picking at the bars.

"I'm sorry," he says again, unsure of who the apology is really for.

He hopes the next time he makes a visit, the birds would leave their cages. He swears he won't forget.

Sandalphon would much prefer it if the birds and cages were no longer there all together.


	2. Lucifer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited to show this one too! I hope you enjoy!

Another day passes, and Lucifer is sure he would've lost count without a manual tally on slips of paper he found scattered about. The days are slowly melting together in a pleasant sort of way, and Lucifer doesn't mind being stuck here in the place he treasures so deeply for eternity. The only part he minds is...

The loneliness. 

Admittedly, Lucifer misses the "morning" chirps of the birds that once sat in the cages above him. Day and night, orange-red hues and violet-blue hues melted together. Right now, beyond the crystal-clear glass, purples, blues, and possibly a hint of red mixed together to create the dawn sky.

He wishes he could have Sandalphon with him again to share the sight of the sky together.

Lucifer isn't entirely sure where he's ended up now that he defied life and death by existing in a dream-like purgatory. All he knows is that he can wander their meeting spot and parts of the laboratory grounds, though parts of it would be missing for some strange reason. Still, he didn't mind that much. As long as he could cling to this memory, he would be alright.

To celebrate yet another dawn in the timeless space, he, out of habit, pours two cups of coffee. He habitually leaves his own coffee extra bitter but sweetens Sandalphon's. 

"Good morning," he says to no one in particular. The silence is melancholic.

Lucifer was fond of coffee with a hint of sweetness or other flavors outside of bitterness, but the bitterness reminds him of Sandalphon. Specifically, it reminded him of the first few times Sandalphon tried to make him coffee.

Sandalphon was a very adept learner, so while he learned after a few mistakes, his mistakes were terribly bitter-tasting. Lucifer didn't dislike it though. If anything, he developed a penchant for the overly bitter flavor, because it tasted of warm nostalgia. It's part of his routine now, though he only breaks it on occasion to flavor it with something else.

The logistics of his heavenly purgatory still confuse him, and he has no answers for them. After he slept, he'd always wake up with more dishes to eat and anything he might need for the day. The only thing he *had* to do was grow and maintain the coffee trees, but even then, that was a simple task. He could never bore of it, not when he had his own memories to occupy him and help him pass the time.

Lucifer noticed some time back that the lab slowly regrew its ground, constructing itself again as he freed each bird from their cage. He still remembers it like it happened yesterday.

Did it happen yesterday, or was it a few weeks ago? Perhaps a month? Lucifer needed to check his notes later.

The empty metal cages leave Lucifer feeling a bit empty. He misses them terribly.

He recalls freeing the birds. Back then, he used to care for the birds, leaving their cages open, trying to coax them to leave. They wouldn't for a long time, but eventually, one by one, they left, leaving their feathers as a reminder that they were once there. 

They were beautiful in their liberation, flitting across the sky before disappearing for good. Lucifer thinks they're gone for good, that is: he hasn't seen them ever since. Were the birds even real, or were they a figment of his own mind?

He recalls one little bird in particular. A brown, fluffy one, to be precise. It was shy and kept to itself, but it was always overjoyed to see Lucifer. Lucifer was fond of it: it reminded him so much of Sandalphon. He spoiled the little bird, petting its head, and allowing it to "dine" with him. It adored his kisses on its little head the most, and it would sit in Lucifer's cupped hands the moment it saw the opportunity to do so. Its plump little body always fitted.

Lucifer missed that little bird the most. Like the others, it never came back to visit. Was it even capable of visiting? He almost regrets setting that one free, but he knows he has to let go. (Yet deep down, he wants for the little bird to return and keep him company again). 

He loves Sandalphon more than anything, and he wishes he had the opportunity to tell him. Still, he could not allow this regret to fester. He could only hope Sandalphon was happy without him, befriending new people, and doing what was right. He needn't have hope for Sandalphon: he knows everything he hopes for right now would happen eventually.

But hope warms his heart and grounds him to the present. It makes him look at his endless future even if he was here in his own past. He'll hope even if it isn't needed, because even beyond the realms of existence and non-existence, he would support Sandalphon silently throughout all of it.

Even if he can't see Sandalphon anymore.

Even if he doesn't know what's happening anymore.

Even if the sky he looked to was no longer the same as Sandalphon's.

He would always be there for Sandalphon in spirit. That much, he was confident of. 

Until then...

"I'll be waiting."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Any comments/kudos is appreciated; this is a little different from what I usually do! 
> 
> Twitter: @quixoticmirror  
> Carrd: theendofsummer.carrd.co


End file.
